


LA Through the Cracks

by firefly124



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Daily Show
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-31
Updated: 2011-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-19 23:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefly124/pseuds/firefly124
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’ve got to admit, nothing says cover-up like a town suddenly imploding for no apparent reason.  Geological instability and subterranean gas leaks my Aunt Melba!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	LA Through the Cracks

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LiveJournal Jossverse challenge community Still_Grrr for prompt #061 - crack.

“When a news story falls through the cracks,” says Jon Stewart as he shuffles his papers and sets them down on his desk, “Lewis Black catches it with a segment we call ‘Back in Black.’”

Guitar chords sound and stock clips flash across the screen announcing the segment with the AC/DC song after which it is named, until Lewis Black can be heard yelling, “That’s enough! We’ve got a lot to cover here. Everybody knows the theme song already.”

The music stops and the camera focuses in on the disheveled commentator.

“You folks might remember that about four years ago we covered a series of sightings of a Frankenstein-like monster in Southern California.” He holds up his hands curled into claws.

An inset clip shows a sketch of what appears to be a man with a reptilian arm that has a skewer of some sort extending from it.

“Many of you scoffed when I said this was probably some sort of government experiment gone horribly wrong.” His lips twist into a sneer. “Scoffers!”

The inset picture changes to show what appears to be a sort of canyon.

“Some of you came around after we reported on this event last year. You’ve got to admit, nothing says cover-up like a town suddenly imploding for no apparent reason.” He snorts. “Geological instability and subterranean gas leaks my Aunt Melba!”

The picture changes again, this time to a map of California with a hole in it.

“Maybe nobody missed Sunnyvale or whatever it was called,” he says with a shrug. “Who would? Seems everybody who lived there decided the place sucked before the Little Bang anyway. But not so for Los Angeles, not so.”

A picture of Grauman’s Chinese Theater appears.

“You remember Los Angeles, right?” Black asks.

The scene changes to the Capitol Records building.

“That place that used to give New York City a run for its money?”

The Hollywood sign takes over the inset picture.

“How can that suddenly be _gone_ and nobody’s saying anything?”

Inset picture vanishes.

“Tonight, we’re going to hear from a young lady who was there just moments before it all went poof and claims to know who’s behind it all.”

The camera angle widens revealing a young woman with long blond hair and a fuzzy pink sweater fussing with her microphone, a pout on her face.

“I don’t think I have this on right,” she whines.

“That’s all right, dear,” Black says with an utterly insincere grin. “Now, just tell me again what you know about Los Angeles.”

“Oh, am I on camera?” She turns and faces the camera head-on, her teeth bared in a winning smile, and waves. “I’m Harmony.”

Black clears his throat.

“Oh, right. So, as far as I know, I was pretty much the last person out of Los Angeles alive. More or less.” She shifts in her seat a bit. “My boss had just fired me, so I decided to split in one of his cars with the special glass. He had enough of them, so I was sure he wouldn’t miss it. And he’d just given me a recommendation, so I don’t think he was really that mad, even with the firing and all.”

Black looks like he’s about to say something and then apparently thinks better of it.

“So, I’m just about leaving the city limits when I feel it. This … pulse. And when I look back? No more Los Angeles. Do you have any idea how much _Prada_ disappeared in that split second?”

“What did you see?”

“Nothing,” she says with a shudder. “Just … nothing.”

“And who did you say is responsible?” Black gives her a pleading look.

“Oh, that was totally the Senior Partners,” she says, nodding. “Angel stepped over a line that day when he fired me.”

“The Senior Partners?”

“Of Wolfram and Hart! I told you!” She rolls her eyes. “Big evil law firm? Ring a bell?”

“Er, no,” Black admits. “But I’ve got to say that ‘evil law firm’ sounds pretty freaking redundant.”

Harmony nods knowingly and scrunches up her nose. “They were. Very redundant.”

“Um …”

“So I’m thinking that when they decided to haul his ass out of this dimension, they kind of took the whole city with it. Him. Whatever. And since they’re so evil and redundant, it’s not like they’d care.”

“Aren’t you afraid they’ll come after you for telling us about this?”

“Oh, no,” she says, shaking her head vigorously. “They’re gone. Probably not going to bother with our world for at least another century or two now.” She squirms again. “Though maybe I should have thought about when they come back.”

“Well,” Black says with a bark of laughter, “it’s not like any of us will be here in another couple of centuries!”

“Of course … _not_!” she agrees. Her laugh is just a little bit off. She makes a dismissive gesture with her hand. “Silly me. What was I thinking?”

“Thank you for coming on the show tonight, Harmony,” Black says. He turns back to the camera. “And there you have it folks. An evil law firm. Obviously in the pay of the government division in charge of making Franken-looking monsters and making little towns like Sunnyville and gigantic cities like Los Angeles just—” He mimes an explosion with his hands. “—disappear.” He turns to his other side and the camera follows his line of sight, widening to include Stewart once again. “Jon.”

“Thank you very much. Lewis Black, ladies and gentlemen! We’ll be right back after these messages.”

Black turns back to face Harmony again. “So, I’m done here. Would you like to go out for a drink, maybe come by my place after?” He leers at her.

“Why Lewis,” she says flirtatiously, “are you inviting me home?” She bats her eyelashes. “I might just have to accept.”


End file.
